If you need marriage help, don’t make the mistake most people do. Don’t talk to a member of the opposite sex about it unless that person is functioning in a professional capacity.

For example, a woman believes her husband doesn’t give her as much attention as he should. She should never talk to a male coworker about the situation even if he is considered to be a dear friend. If he is sympathetic to her and they grow closer, more marriage problems are sure to follow. Depending on the workplace, the conversation about the woman’s situation might even be misconstrued as sexual harassment which is never appropriate in the workplace.

The best person to discuss marriage help with is your spouse. If that just is not possible – either because your spouse is not willing or because there is a chance you might be harmed for trying to talk about your problems and concerns – talk with a trained professional. Visit a counselor or minister to talk about your marriage problems. They are trained to look at situations objectively and know how to maintain your confidentiality.

If you do not have a minister or know a counselor, you can find one discreetly by looking at your local phone book. Search under “counseling” or “marriage counselors” to find several to call. Some communities may even have counseling services free of charge for some situations. If you have a close friend you can confide in, ask if they have heard anything about the counselors you find. At work, you can always pull that “a friend of mine is looking for a counselor. Have you heard of any?” trick.

If the advice you receive from the minister or counselor does not strike a chord with you, go somewhere else. That does not mean that if the advice is not what you want to hear, to leave it behind, however. When you seek help for your marriage, you need to be open minded enough to accept that some of the responsibility or blame may be your own.

Remember, the first step to solving any marriage problem is to seek help. If you and your spouse both agree, try going to a counselor together. The professional may prefer to see you individually after an initial meeting with the two of you together. If you are both willing to find marriage help, you will need to be accommodating and adaptable as you work through your problems and the counseling process.

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